girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
