i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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