Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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