3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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