Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
