I cannot find my penis.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
