He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
