One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize