Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
