Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
