My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize