when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
