Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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