the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
