I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize