I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
