he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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