you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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