A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
