i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
