I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
