Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
