we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's never too late to be topless.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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