Are we in a gay sports bar?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
