And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
