I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize