I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
