If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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