I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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