k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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