I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize