I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
