Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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