Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have post one night stand depression
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
