Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
