So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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