I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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