the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
