I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
