they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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