Just fell off a train. Bad.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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