Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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