my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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