Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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