This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
