I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
porn star boner night. come get it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we're so committed to being not committed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize