i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
