so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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