i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
