We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
