did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize