It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
