Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
