What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
