yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You took a bar mat shot.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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