he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
