Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
