if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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