He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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