Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
