He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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