There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
