ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm both gender and math confused
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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