i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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