it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
