Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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