going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
