just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize