Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
